FIRST:
His humble roots help him identify with the common man. He is a self-made man who rose out of poverty by his bootstraps and his own sheer will.
SECOND:
He has spent his entire life helping the poor. No one can say he ever took advantage of them.
THIRD:
He spends all of his free time volunteering in soup kitchens. His dark tan comes from hours of labor in the hot sun.
FOURTH:
He really values American women. His respect for them is legendary. His chivalry unquestioned.
FIFTH:
All of his ideas are well thought and researched. There is nothing about foreign policy or national politics that he is not aware.
SIXTH:
He is so humble and gracious. No one can accuse him of bullying others.
SEVENTH:
He would never say anything to embarrass America. Diplomacy and graciousness are in his blood.
EIGHTH:
He would never threaten national security. His best friends are foreigners.
NINTH:
His personal style is impeccable. He is the envy of all who survey him.
TEN:
There are no contradictions in his life. Everything he does follows directly from everything he says.
ELEVENTH:
Everything he says is totally consistent. His statements from TIME A always match his statements from TIME B. He never wavers.
TWELFTH:
He is slow to anger. He never holds grudges. He can really take a JOKE!
NOT!!!
[Needless to say, none of this is true. :) ]
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