How to Resolve Conflict with Those We Love

When people's emotions are stirred up, they have a burning desire to be heard.  Until that need is met, they can not fully pay attention to what the other person is saying.  Rather than listening to the other person, they are instead rehearsing what they want to say.  The conflict escalates because neither person is truly listening to the other.

Try the following steps toward conflict resolution:

Step One:  Take Turns Stating Your Case
Person A must make the following "I Statement:"
"I feel _____ when you _____."
Person B must respond by repeating back what Person A stated
until Person A agrees that the statement was repeated correctly.
Then each person must switch roles.

Step Two:  Repeat Step One Until All Feelings Have Been Stated

Step Three:  Take Turns Asking for What You Need
Person A must make the following "I Statement:"
"When _____ happens, I need you to _____."
Person B must respond by repeating back what Person A stated
until Person A agrees that the statement was repeated correctly.
Then each person must again switch roles.

Step Four:  Repeat Step Three Until All Needs Have Been Stated



Step Five:  Take Turns Stating What You Agree to Do
Person A must make the following "I Statement:"
"When _____ happens, I agree to _____."
Person B must respond by repeating back what Person A stated
until Person A agrees that the statement was repeated correctly.
Then each person must again switch roles.

Step Six:  Repeat Step Five Until All Needs Have Been Met

Step Seven:  Make Apologies and Forgive Each Other




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